you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize