hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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