Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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