genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
