I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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