Soap is not a condiment
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
