I wanna bring you to show and tell
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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