she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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