Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
