I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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