Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Randomize
