when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
