you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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