Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Randomize
