I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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