Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
