well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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