I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
