i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
