Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
