My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
