i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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