never play flip cup with pint glasses
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
