My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
