I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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