My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize