Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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