There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
