just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
