I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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