"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize