we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
