Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
