I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
