I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
