At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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