His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
