just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
