i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
