btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
