I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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