I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
