Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
