He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
