I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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