dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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