Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
