what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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