Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Randomize
