Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize