My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
This toilet bowl is my home.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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