Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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