She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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