similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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