god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
