well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
