Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
