Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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