I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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