i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
