I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
