Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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