i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
