That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
