i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Im part way to drunk.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
