I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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