My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
