I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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