Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
