I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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