My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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