the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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