I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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